Hamsters

I had a hamster when I was a kid. It died.

That made me angry - my hamster shouldn't have died, that was wrong. BAD HAMSTER. So I decided no one else should have a hamster either. So I broke into the pet store and put poison in the hamster feed.

You shoulda heard the other kids crying.

I still have some in my collection of Dead Things.

Dead things

Everybody keeps DEAD THINGS in their refrigerators so I don't know what all the fuss is about. Yeah OK it's mostly VEGETABLES and stuff.

There seems to be a great tradition on the INTERNET of listing the contents of people's refrigerators and freezer so here goes:

• A pack of super-economy hamburgers


• Two halves of cats (front ends)


• Frozen Pizza


• A skunk (fresh)


• Three groundhogs


• 37 Eggs


• Six deep-frozen hamsters


• Slugs and snails


• Puppy dogs tails


• A hubcab from an AMC Gremlin


• Entrails (mixed)


• Enbalming fluid (six pack)


• Microwave fries


• A locked metal box, contents unknown


• String


• K-Y jelly (plain, not flavored)


• Jello (flavored, not plain)