Cats

I have a CAT. It brings in DEAD THINGS.

But when I try to hold it, it scratches me and spits. That makes me ANGRY so I chase it with a broom.

I keep the Dead Things in the freezer in case I need them later. Some of them aren't always quite dead before I put them in. They sure are when they come out!!

It kinda looks after itself though. Which is good cuz I sometimes forget to feed it the right kind of slop. It doesn't LIKE what I eat. Oh year and FURBALLS are a real treat when you FIND 'em COUGHED UP in the dark with your BARE FEET.

I wonder if I should give my cat a name?

Dead things

Everybody keeps DEAD THINGS in their refrigerators so I don't know what all the fuss is about. Yeah OK it's mostly VEGETABLES and stuff.

There seems to be a great tradition on the INTERNET of listing the contents of people's refrigerators and freezer so here goes:

• A pack of super-economy hamburgers


• Two halves of cats (front ends)


• Frozen Pizza


• A skunk (fresh)


• Three groundhogs


• 37 Eggs


• Six deep-frozen hamsters


• Slugs and snails


• Puppy dogs tails


• A hubcab from an AMC Gremlin


• Entrails (mixed)


• Enbalming fluid (six pack)


• Microwave fries


• A locked metal box, contents unknown


• String


• K-Y jelly (plain, not flavored)


• Jello (flavored, not plain)

Smoking

Yeah yeah that's REAL CLEVER cuz it's a really good idea to pump all that TOXIC WASTE through your lungs.
You may as well go set fire to some CAR TIRES and just inhale that instead. Plus it makes you smell REAL BAD.
I saw those pictures of animals made to smoke on TV so I tried it on my CAT. It nearly took my freaking ARM off. That's how dangerous smoking is!!!
PS: I found that a lot of people want to see PICTURES of ANIMALS SMOKING. You can find my favorite picture of smoking animals RIGHT HERE.